Daily 41

I’m feeling unlike myself. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself? Maybe I’m just not comfortable over-sharing? Or, maybe my problem with authority is so severe that even I just cannot tell myself what to do.
I took the morning to rest. That became the afternoon. I made a tiny bit of progress on my side-hustle before I just stopped. It’s now almost midnight—my once most productive day—and I’m feeling uninspired. I can’t even be mad at myself for not motivating myself.
I had a better time at this when I was doing it all for funsies. As an outlet for the stress of my daily life. And, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope my side-hustle took off and became the path forward for the rest of my life. But, I need to find that spark again. That joy.
Maybe I’m exhausted. Like, literally; what happened to Judy Garland when her doctors recommended she take a few years off to rest and recover. Only, that kind of rest is far less within my grasp than it was in hers. And that is saying a lot.
What is it about the world that requires some of us to work until the marrow in our bones aches just to survive another day to work some more … while others get to live? Is it karma?

What the devil did I do in past life?

Yes. I am dramatic. I have come to accept this as a fundamental aspect of my personality. But, seriously.

2 thoughts on “Daily 41

  1. kvetchkvetchkvetch22

    Please don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m a firm believer that things work out. Maybe I’m naive but in my many (don’t ask) years I’ve come to see the big picture and sometimes the day to day, the incremental steps lead to something amazing. Give yourself license to be you, in whatever form that is. Stay well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I definitely am over-dramatic and hyperbolic. I would argue that I’m not hard on myself but, I am. I’m learning how to not be, very slowly. I didn’t even realize how much of that I’d absorbed from my past but, evidently, it’s a lot. Don’t worry, though. Yesterday I had some proper R&R, and today I’ve let myself take things as they come. I’m learning. And an outsider’s perspective is very helpful and welcome. So, thank you! ❤


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